Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Normality
It's been a while! Started my second of three senior years of college, got cast in a show, promised myself I'd avoid all drama, and promptly broke said promise. But, amazingly, life is going well. I'm lonely. I'm frustrated at times. I'm getting slightly burned out. But life is still good. Nothing much to report, and nothing traumatic or revelatory has taken place...but I "had to write" and reinforce all the good, normal things :o)
Monday, July 20, 2009
Balancing
My blog is not very positive most of the time is it?
I think that's because "When I have to write," it's usually because something traumatic or disconcerting has happened. I don't usually feel like I have to write when everything is going well.
But right now I'm going to note quickly that this summer has been fairly good. Not as ideal as early indications predicted, but not awful either, not by a long shot. So, for now, I feel that my life is somewhat balanced out.
I'm still struggling to trust and be trusted sometimes, and to find the practical application of "hating the sin, but loving the sinner." The sinner most often being myself. But for the most part, things are okay.
That's all for now. Come what may, I suppose, and love it.
I think that's because "When I have to write," it's usually because something traumatic or disconcerting has happened. I don't usually feel like I have to write when everything is going well.
But right now I'm going to note quickly that this summer has been fairly good. Not as ideal as early indications predicted, but not awful either, not by a long shot. So, for now, I feel that my life is somewhat balanced out.
I'm still struggling to trust and be trusted sometimes, and to find the practical application of "hating the sin, but loving the sinner." The sinner most often being myself. But for the most part, things are okay.
That's all for now. Come what may, I suppose, and love it.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Broken Life
I am a defective human being.
Every time I try to do something right, I end up hurting people. Every time I stand up for what I believe in, I destroy relationships. When I tell the truth, I betray my friends.
On the other hand, when I lie, everyone but me is happy. If I were to back down and give in to behavior I currently find reprehensible, everyone would love me. If I surrendered to the parts of me that lust after pleasure of every kind, I'd get it, in very large doses. All of that outweighs a guilty conscience, right?
Because I have the guilty conscience anyway. No matter what I do, I'm doing something wrong. I can't get it right, and I'm sick of it.
What am I supposed to do?
Every time I try to do something right, I end up hurting people. Every time I stand up for what I believe in, I destroy relationships. When I tell the truth, I betray my friends.
On the other hand, when I lie, everyone but me is happy. If I were to back down and give in to behavior I currently find reprehensible, everyone would love me. If I surrendered to the parts of me that lust after pleasure of every kind, I'd get it, in very large doses. All of that outweighs a guilty conscience, right?
Because I have the guilty conscience anyway. No matter what I do, I'm doing something wrong. I can't get it right, and I'm sick of it.
What am I supposed to do?
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Resolved
Well, it's a new year, and I'm as clichéd as the next guy. Here are some of my more interesting resolutions for the coming months.
Most importantly, impulse control in my own life. I can't focus on being a friend to others or on honing my talents or anything like that if I'm constantly giving in to temptations. So first, improve myself. That doesn't mean perfection - that's something I've learned from last year - it just means more successes than failures.
I want to work on myself physically. I don't need to lose weight or anything, but I think I could definitely benefit from simple things like drinking more water, exercising more regularly and more intensively, and having concentrated, focused relaxation time, instead of just being lazy.
The other major adjustment I feel like I need to make is to find more of a balance between standing up for what I believe in, without making others feel badly about what they choose. I'm not quite sure how to do that, but it'll be an adventure, finding out how best to accomplish that goal!
Nothing too difficult or complicated, but these are the things I'm resolved to work on.
Most importantly, impulse control in my own life. I can't focus on being a friend to others or on honing my talents or anything like that if I'm constantly giving in to temptations. So first, improve myself. That doesn't mean perfection - that's something I've learned from last year - it just means more successes than failures.
I want to work on myself physically. I don't need to lose weight or anything, but I think I could definitely benefit from simple things like drinking more water, exercising more regularly and more intensively, and having concentrated, focused relaxation time, instead of just being lazy.
The other major adjustment I feel like I need to make is to find more of a balance between standing up for what I believe in, without making others feel badly about what they choose. I'm not quite sure how to do that, but it'll be an adventure, finding out how best to accomplish that goal!
Nothing too difficult or complicated, but these are the things I'm resolved to work on.
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