Intentional Harm

It's really hard for me to understand how some people can explain away hurtful gossip as a helpful warning. Don't they know that it causes real pain? Whatever you might believe about me, whatever you think I've done...is it that vital that you chase others away from getting to know me? It hurts :( and I wish it would stop.

Broken Life

I am a defective human being.

Every time I try to do something right, I end up hurting people. Every time I stand up for what I believe in, I destroy relationships. When I tell the truth, I betray my friends.

On the other hand, when I lie, everyone but me is happy. If I were to back down and give in to behavior I currently find reprehensible, everyone would love me. If I surrendered to the parts of me that lust after pleasure of every kind, I'd get it, in very large doses. All of that outweighs a guilty conscience, right?

Because I have the guilty conscience anyway. No matter what I do, I'm doing something wrong. I can't get it right, and I'm sick of it.

What am I supposed to do?