Master of Disguise?

I have a trait that seems to be a serious failing...but when I think about it, I really like it: I really suck at being a fake friend on any level. If I like you, I like you all the time, not just to your face, and not just in secret. I have had more than a few friends over the years that insist that I be less than myself in public when around them. That grates.

I don't do the whole "secret friend" thing. If you're going to be my friend....then be my friend, and have the guts to deal with the consequences. If not, DON'T be my friend! It will be less stressful for everyone! I like having friends, a lot. But I hate lying. I hate helping other people lie. Please don't make me do it. I understand that everyone has secrets, shameful or otherwise. I'm not asking people to hang out their dirty laundry for all to see. But if you are embarrassed or ashamed to be seen with me, around me, talking to me, hugging me, etc., then it's probably not gonna work out!

Next is a tangent (sort of), that has arisen from knowing SO MANY people who have big, big things to hide.

Dear Parents (and future parents), please hear this loud and clear: if your child does not believe that they can come to you with anything - and I mean anything, whether it's a son who is gay, a daughter who is pregnant, a child who has done drugs, a kid who's stolen something - if they don't believe that you will still love them no matter what, then you are teaching your child to lie to you. All kids lie to their parents, but hopefully the parents teach them better. This is how we fail at teaching them better! Kids should never be afraid or doubtful that their families will reject them. Before we rail against gay marriage, teen pregnancy, drugs, or anything else destroying the family, let's look at the foundation of that destruction: fear and judgment in the home! I know you are afraid your child might ruin his life; don't help him do it! LOVE HIM! Whatever mistakes she has made, her life still goes on, and can get better, if you LOVE HER! It's so so so easy! And yet it is the parents who fail to let their children know they love them, and cultivate the type of human beings that LIE to their parents about their relationships.

All we need, folks, is love. Just listen to the Beatles. Read the scriptures. Study the great men and women of history. Pay attention to the urgings of your conscience. Just love. Love. It's the solution to every problem. That's all we need.

Intentional Harm

It's really hard for me to understand how some people can explain away hurtful gossip as a helpful warning. Don't they know that it causes real pain? Whatever you might believe about me, whatever you think I've done...is it that vital that you chase others away from getting to know me? It hurts :( and I wish it would stop.

Catch-22

It seems like I'm always at odds with my friends. I am, by nature, a helper, which sometimes translates into me being nosy, or controlling, or interfering. I'm also a really smart person, which makes it hard for me to keep my opinion to myself. As a result, my friends sometimes don't like me, when my opinion about how best to help them conflicts with what they want. What is the best way to solve this problem? No idea. I'm generally all right at backing off, and honoring a person's journey. But two things are working against me in the cases in point: first, I truly care about these friends, and whether they end up happy, and the choices they are making are harmful to themselves and to me: I hurt when they screw up. The second thing is that one of them has asked for my help. I'm doing my best to be available without being bossy; it doesn't always work, and we've had our fights, but I'm doing the best I can. But the hard thing is when he is either persuaded by my other friend to give in, or he decides personally to take advantage of my trust, and "protect" me by withholding his feelings. I've tried to communicate to them that this doesn't work, but it persists. What do I do? I cannot abandon my friends, but neither can I support the destructive things they are doing. Which side of the fence must I land on?