Dream Roles!

I was recently inspired by one of my closest friends (who posted a similar blog on this subject) to write about the roles I most want to play one day. Plus I figure my blog needs more pictures and stuff. As she says, if one is opting for an acting career, one usually has a role that one wants to play most, at least at some point. She has six. I have five...plus a bunch of "almosts."

Jack in Into the Woods


Fabrizio in The Light in the Piazza - I've already been lucky enough
to have played this role, and what an incredible experience.


J. Pierrepont Finch in
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying


Dickon in The Secret Garden


Henrik in A Little Night Music

Those are the big 5. But I'd also love to play Toby in Sweeney Todd, Linus in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown, Arpad in She Loves Me, Leo Frank in Parade, Charlie in The Foreigner, Hamlet, Ariel in The Tempest...the list goes on. I can usually come up with a role I'd love to play in any show I really enjoy. That's part of why I love theatre so much, I think. I don't always have to be "the lead" to have wonderful songs or fantastic acting moments. The audience gets to immerse themselves in the lives of all these fascinating characters, who are funny, or powerful, or magical, or innocent.... They get to watch a deeper, brighter, fiercer version of humanity, right before their eyes. It's kind of freakin' awesome.

p.s. For a blog written by a guy named "Actor," I feel pretty stupid that this is my first real post about my theatrical endeavors!!

Image?

Two posts in a month is kind of rare for me, but two posts within two weeks? I'm turning into a regular. Watch out.

I'm wondering right now what it is about me that suggests to people that I'm either stuck up, a loner, judgmental, or shy. I am, in fact, none of those things. I don't think I'm better than anybody else - self-confidence has been a struggle for me since it was hammered out of me during middle school. I enjoy my own company, but I'm not a loner - I much prefer meaningful time with my friends and family most of the time. I've lived life for long enough - and made enough mistakes - that I try never to judge other people or make assumptions about them, because I know how it feels when other jerks do it to me. And I'm not shy; despite my frequent lack of self-confidence, I'm not afraid to approach or talk to people, or to perform (duh), or to voice my opinion.

So why do I come across as those things?

Or maybe I'm completely wrong, and I don't seem like that...but why then does my peer group so often seem to avoid/ignore me? Even in groups that I'm completely friendly with, I end up on the side, or in the back, and I often find myself asking "What are you guys talking about?" just so that I know what's going on. Basically, I rarely get included. It's a little depressing.

Wow, whiny post. Maybe I should just buck up and get over it. I probably will. But if whiny, self-indulgent musings aren't what a blog is for, then I don't know what is. Goodbye for now!

Just Thinking...

For one of the only times in recent memory, I'm writing, not because I HAVE to write, but because I want to. I've just been thinking lately - nothing major or dramatic has been happening, I'm not struggling with relationships or decisions, I'm not on an emotional high or low - just thinking.

And what I've been thinking about is the nature of the human connection. I just turned 27 two weeks ago, and I'm almost done with college (knock on wood). However, I spend 8 hours a day around high school kids, and much of my free time around other college students who are often much younger than me. A lot of times I expect things from them that I'm once again realizing they haven't reached yet.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I'm so much more mature or wise than anyone else. In many ways I'm probably pretty dumb. But I have learned a few lessons in my quarter-century, and I need to be reminded sometimes that others' paces don't match my own - they'll learn those lessons when their time is right.

It seems like I've always been "goin' on 40" - as in, "He's 12, goin' on 40." I've always been mature for my age in many respects (probably an effect of loving to read), and that's been kind of awesome and kind of terrible. It means that I often get trusted with significant responsibilities, and I (hopefully) do my best to deliver. It also means that, especially when it comes to relationships, I'm usually dealing with an "age gap." I'm at the point where looks are secondary, and conversation and companionship are first and foremost. Where I don't feel stupid for making simple mistakes or taking risks, or asking straight out for what I want. Where I don't feel any obligation to hide my flaws because of What Other People Think - nor do I feel any obligation to share them. The point where games suck.

Most of the people I know and am around all day agree with these things, theoretically. They claim they know all of it from personal experience. But the game-playing goes on and on - the preoccupation with looks or religion or sexuality or something continues unabated. And to me, it's so obvious. I raise my eyebrow at the folks who think nobody knows about the games they play. Sure, ladies and gents, you may not be playing Candyland anymore, but chess still counts as a game....

I probably sound disgruntled, and I'm not really. Just mildly disappointed, I guess, but also hopeful. There have to be a few kindred spirits out there, the select few who are actually 15 years older than their age. One day I'll find one (who is Mormon, straight, beautiful, and talented. Ha! The irony!) and we'll connect, finally. I just have to be ready to move on when the time is right so that can happen.