I am a defective human being.
Every time I try to do something right, I end up hurting people. Every time I stand up for what I believe in, I destroy relationships. When I tell the truth, I betray my friends.
On the other hand, when I lie, everyone but me is happy. If I were to back down and give in to behavior I currently find reprehensible, everyone would love me. If I surrendered to the parts of me that lust after pleasure of every kind, I'd get it, in very large doses. All of that outweighs a guilty conscience, right?
Because I have the guilty conscience anyway. No matter what I do, I'm doing something wrong. I can't get it right, and I'm sick of it.
What am I supposed to do?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Resolved
Well, it's a new year, and I'm as clichéd as the next guy. Here are some of my more interesting resolutions for the coming months.
Most importantly, impulse control in my own life. I can't focus on being a friend to others or on honing my talents or anything like that if I'm constantly giving in to temptations. So first, improve myself. That doesn't mean perfection - that's something I've learned from last year - it just means more successes than failures.
I want to work on myself physically. I don't need to lose weight or anything, but I think I could definitely benefit from simple things like drinking more water, exercising more regularly and more intensively, and having concentrated, focused relaxation time, instead of just being lazy.
The other major adjustment I feel like I need to make is to find more of a balance between standing up for what I believe in, without making others feel badly about what they choose. I'm not quite sure how to do that, but it'll be an adventure, finding out how best to accomplish that goal!
Nothing too difficult or complicated, but these are the things I'm resolved to work on.
Most importantly, impulse control in my own life. I can't focus on being a friend to others or on honing my talents or anything like that if I'm constantly giving in to temptations. So first, improve myself. That doesn't mean perfection - that's something I've learned from last year - it just means more successes than failures.
I want to work on myself physically. I don't need to lose weight or anything, but I think I could definitely benefit from simple things like drinking more water, exercising more regularly and more intensively, and having concentrated, focused relaxation time, instead of just being lazy.
The other major adjustment I feel like I need to make is to find more of a balance between standing up for what I believe in, without making others feel badly about what they choose. I'm not quite sure how to do that, but it'll be an adventure, finding out how best to accomplish that goal!
Nothing too difficult or complicated, but these are the things I'm resolved to work on.
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