Monday, January 19, 2009

Broken Life

I am a defective human being.

Every time I try to do something right, I end up hurting people. Every time I stand up for what I believe in, I destroy relationships. When I tell the truth, I betray my friends.

On the other hand, when I lie, everyone but me is happy. If I were to back down and give in to behavior I currently find reprehensible, everyone would love me. If I surrendered to the parts of me that lust after pleasure of every kind, I'd get it, in very large doses. All of that outweighs a guilty conscience, right?

Because I have the guilty conscience anyway. No matter what I do, I'm doing something wrong. I can't get it right, and I'm sick of it.

What am I supposed to do?

1 comment:

Sheena and Darren Boekweg said...

My friend.

You sound like your drowning. You sound like your trying to save your friends from the depths of their despair. Of their bad choices, so you jump in, like a life guard, to save them, but instead of saving them, they are killing you.

As I see it, you have two options.

One you can break your back trying to protect you friends from crashing into the rocks, or you can be a lighthouse. Distant, safe, on safe ground, and show the way with your light. Show them the rocks, and then allow them to choose if they will crash or not.

You're not alone, Actor. I've been there.