"I chose, and my world was shaken - so what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on. Look at what you want, not at where you are. Not at where you'll be." - Stephen Sondheim, Sunday in the Park With George
What changes my life has undergone in recent weeks. I've lost a former friend and regained significant sanity as a result. I've clarified several relationships: rebuilt trust with some, and lost it with others. I've rediscovered that although I want to be best friends with the whole world, I usually only need one person. I've also experienced success in the face of failure's shadow.
Most people that know me - at least from what I can gather - know only half of me. They know rumor and gossip, or they know what they see of me in class or onstage. Or they may even know what I say, how I define myself. But only a very few know my strengths and my weaknesses, my whole, present story. Only a few care. Only a few dare to take a chance on me. Whether they are rewarded for that risk or not, you would have to ask them. But the important thing is that when all is said and done, they're on my side. They are the few who refuse to talk about me behind my back. Who understand my decisions, good or bad. And who help me to move on.
In this time of transition - from one semester to another, one program to another, and one house to another - I'm a bit lost. Nobody really cares about me in the house I'm currently in. They're polite, but I know none of them really like me. And that's...half a hurt. I genuinely liked everyone here at some point. But we fought and grew apart over my mistakes or theirs. And forgiveness isn't really a thing that they go for, it seems. But oh well. The transitions that I'm making also include one group of friends to another, I suppose.
So, I'm trying to ignore where I am now, and look forward. It may be the largest overall change that I've undergone in about 7 years. Quite frankly, I'm a bit terrified. But I know - with those few who actually care - that I can DO IT.