In reading my blog, one might think that I'm going through the worst time in my life. I write a lot about how other people's bad judgment affects me, emotionally and practically, and I'm not exaggerating about that. Most of the time, I only write when I'm feeling very strongly about something, and usually when I feel that strongly it's in a negative way - which is sad. It's also an indicator that in a lot of ways, this is NOT a good time in my life.
But it's also an indicator that I need to get my chin up more often, and be more appreciative of the bright spots in my life. This afternoon, as I'm rushing to finish late homework and complete projects and try to pass all my classes, I had to stop and write for a moment about something a little different. Hopefully it will be a bit more positive than usual.
I'm starting to realize more and more that soon I will say goodbye to a lot of things that I know, and a lot of people that I take for granted. Graduation in four short months and the start of a career will be wonderful, and I can't wait. But I also wish I could take some folks with me, and maybe just plant them all around me like a beautiful garden. I want to form my own little fantasy neighborhood, so I can have the best neighbors ever to always be around me.
Normally I don't name names, but this time I will. This is by no means a complete list; if I had the time, I'd create a whole town of my ideal folks and families. But as I'm discussing graduation, and leaving behind the theatre people that I love, they will be the content in this neighborhood.
Marza has to be there. I need her sense of humor and her keen theatrical eye and her intelligence and her leadership and her unconditional love in my life forever more. Boo to Chicago Marza. Live by me always.
Gotta have Michael. He understands and accepts me for who I am, and never tries to make me something else that would make more sense to him. Same thing goes for Tyson. I can talk to them anytime, about anything, and they always make me think. They should both be in my neighborhood.
Shelby and Maddie and Angela and Kalyn and Liz have to be there too. They probably shouldn't ALways live with each other, or even next door, but I love them all so much, and I don't ever want to miss them. These are the women I could happily marry, any one of them. They make me feel real, and cared for, and I can sense the vast depth of their care and friendship. It's pretty amazing.
David should always be my neighbor. He could be the Catholic-ish godfather to my not-so-Catholic Mormon kids. If I, and they, can have his caring and beautiful soul in their life all the time, we will all be better people. Derek needs to be around too, to bounce ideas and conversations and emotions off of, and to remind me to listen closer more often, and to give me greater faith in the honor of humanity.
Jim needs to be there. And Jillian. Come back from Seattle Jillian. We'll set something up so you can be just as awesome a working actor down here in my neighborhood. Jim, will you be in charge of that? Also, I always, always need to work on shows - and life - with both of you. You know how to make theatre - and life - beautiful. Thank you for teaching me so much.
Jake Sommer should be down the street, with a big house and 17 kids. And Jake Evans should be up the street, with Nami and one beautiful daughter. In ten years ;) And Craig should be there, and Landon and Caitlin and Libby, and just their whole family basically. And I'd love it if Jen lived around the corner too. Maybe we could team teach together. I want all of you there.
And of course, my family should be around. Maybe a couple streets away. Close enough that my kids could ride their bikes to Grandma and Grandpa's house after school. I wouldn't be who I am without them.
There are dozens of other that could move in to this community as well and I would receive them with joy. These people that I'm writing about are the ones I know I'll always want with me, in my heart at least, and the ones whose absence I will mourn. Even with all the rottenness that's around, these are my true friends, who have given what they have to help make my life better. I can only pray that I have been able to offer a little bit of my own best in return.