Thursday, March 11, 2010

Solo Nel Buio

I love Italian. It can communicate so much without giving anything away, if that makes sense.

What is the point of doing my best? People only hate me for it. It seems to be useless to try to do one's "best" unless one's best is perfection, for otherwise one's mistakes make everybody else view one as superior, hypocritical, and judgmental for even attempting to be good amidst one's failings.

How have insecurity and entitlement become such prevalent aspects of my generation? We are the luckiest, the richest, the longest-lived generation in the second half (at least) of the history of the world; and yet we waste our lives on pride, cruelty, backbiting, scorn, isolationism, pessimism, and problem-oriented thinking. They think of life in terms of scarcity. Almost everyone is out for themselves, just hoping to steal a little happiness, because if anyone else gets any, that somehow means there's less for the rest.


I am doing my best, and the rest of the world can go suck an egg. If the crafty and manipulative among us decide to take advantage of me for that, so be it. If those who are ashamed of their own lives choose to look at me with contempt for not living up to my own ideals, so be it. If there are those who cannot bow their heads occasionally and acknowledge their own fallibility, their own imperfection, their own need for brotherhood in this struggle of human existence, so be it.

I will not succumb to the crushing weight of mass-induced apathy.

I am strong. I choose to care. I choose to risk my heart to help as many as I can, and gain lasting and immeasurable benefits in return. If that risk results in the occasional heartbreak or betrayal, I will hurt...and then I will heal. And then I will risk again.

I will love. I will love everyone. Unfortunately, guess what? Sometimes that means disapproval. Love, even unconditional love, does NOT mean mindless agreement or being a doormat. In fact, just the opposite: if I think you are wrong, and you are going to hurt yourself, so help me, I will tell you. Feel free to disregard that, but it is built in to me. My love for my fellow wo/men dictates that I at least try.

I will respect each person's individual journey, and my care for them will not stop, but sometimes, if I am being dragged down, my association with those persons WILL stop. I will not sacrifice myself for someone who has decided they are their own lost cause.

And finally, I will hope. I'll hope for a day in the future when all my flaws and failings are stacked next to the good I intended, and actually accomplished. I will hope that when all is known, those who chose to hate will see that I bore them no ill will, and they will forgive the lesser parts of me.
Back into battle, and to communicate - to those who will listen - what the pure power of love and beauty can be.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

There is this book called, How To Hug A Porcupine. I haven't read the whole thing, but I had an institute teacher use it to talk about different parts of communication and recognize some of the weaknesses in ourselves as we try to help others.

A couple of things that came to mind while I was reading your post. First thing, there are people that you love that you want to correct, but there are two things that you need to ask yourself first. 1. Is this part of my stewardship? 2. Have they asked for my advice or criticism?

If the answer to the first is yes, then maybe ask if you can share an opinion with them before criticizing. Then they are more likely to be open and listen. Anyway, there is a lot more to it than that, but that was something that came to mind while reading your post.

I totally understand the feeling of watching someone shoot themselves in the foot. You can see the damage they are doing to themselves but you feel helpless to stop them and the more you try to help them the more they seem to push you away and get angry. I have no idea if this is helpful. And if you're anything like me, you got this out and on paper and now you are feeling better so this may be a little late, but maybe it will be useful to you at some point.

Wow....sorry this turned into such a long comment....