Sunday, October 26, 2008

Feeling like the bad guy...

Okay. Why is it when I see or learn of my friends doing something that I find distasteful or wrong, I feel like a terrible person? When I watch my friends get ridiculously drunk, to the point of doing idiotic, embarrassing things; or when I learn of the latest surrender to the impulse of two of my single friends to have sex with each other, why do I feel like the villain?

Granted, I make mistakes. Sometimes, when they are friends I trust not to do such things, I get upset at what I perceive to be a betrayal. Anger, bitterness, and jealousy have influenced me to make plenty of horrible choices in my own life. I understand intimately the desire to act on instinct, to abandon restraint, to "loosen up."

So, when my friends do these things, actions that most of society accepts without question, I should fall into the same mold, right? Live and let live, boys will be boys, etc., etc. Except I don't believe that crap. It's platitudinal nonsense. Humanity is inherently good, in my opinion, but society is consistently keen to take the path of least resistance. The problem is, without resistance, I can't build strength of any kind, physical or mental. I believe we should resist temptations rather than catering to them.

As a result of this abnormal conviction, I feel distinctly uncomfortable at parties where my friends are drunk; I don't feel confident or okay supporting my friends in actions I find offensive or morally wrong. I still smile, make an appearance, love my friends...but their choices are sometimes reprehensible to my mind and body.

So why do I always feel like I'm horrible for not wanting what they want?

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